This is what I know..........

...you should go with your gut feeling....

I called my friend Jim Rizzo today. Jim and I were good friends... or something of that sort when I lived in DC. Because of my stubborn, or my lack of life experience... Jim and I did not keep in contact for many years after I left DC. Jim's a great guy, always was, and still is. That's obvious. He got in contact me with a couple of months ago, and we have been talking often, it's like we picked up where we left off. He's one of those people you meet in life and know from the beginning he's a good guy, with a good heart.

In my experience, there are people you meet in life that have a big impact on you. You have a chemistry right from the beginning.. it may an attraction, an affection, a friend, a lover, a colleague.. whatever, but you just know that they mean something special to you from the beginning. It may only last a few hours.... or could end up being a long time relationship.

When I was talking to Jim today on the phone, we were talking about blogs, and started talking about one that he used to read... and he sent it to me to read, explaining that it was a great read, but some involved/intense reading. So, when I got the email, and opened up the link to the blog... my heart dropped. It was a blog of someone I had know that has passed away.......

I had started talking to Steven about 3 years ago, on-line... I actually ran into him my almost by accident about 2 years ago when I was on a business trip. I was surprised of how handsome he was in person, and what a great personality he had. I feel like we became close in that surprised kind of way just as friends. I will not lie when I say I had a crush on Steven. As I'm sure many people did. He did have a boyfriend that he always said sweet things about. We talked several times on the phone, but I have to admit, I am not one to talk on the phone like I used to be. I think he kind of gave up on me not calling him back. We talked about that, I apologized.... but... We did still talk on-line often. One day, while on line, he said he probably would not be on-line again for a while, because he had just found out that day that his cancer had come back and he would be getting treatment for that.

I tried contacting him in the past by on-line, I remember I had just dropped my phone in the lake, and did not have his number any longer. I went for a long time wondering if he was OK. In fact, just a couple of months ago, I sent him an email. I did not think for one minute that he was that sick. I knew no one that knew him, not even his boyfriend.

When Jim sent me his blog today, I had read that he had passed away about a 1.5 years ago. His family- sisters kept his blog, and wrote his last couple of entries. I also read what he had wrote since the time he was diagnosed again...the last time I had talked to him. ...he did not live very long. Honestly, probably just weeks after I had last contact with him. I can not tell you how sad I have been today. And maybe even more angry at myself for not cherishing a friendship like I should have. I have some awful guilt feelings... I wish I could have said good-bye. I never even really thought that he could have been that sick.

I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in something enough that makes me pray often. I hate cancer so bad. It's such an awful illness that brings so much sadness to so many sweet people. I saw what it had done to my niece, my mother and so many other people.

Again, this is what I know......
-cherish your family
-cherish your friends
-d0 not take anything for granted....
-do everything you can to do the right thing

And go with your gut feeling.... people come into your life for a reason. I wonder if Jim had not come back into my life, I may have never known about Steven. I'm glad he's back into my life.

I am so grateful for the people in my life.