Tuesday, September 16, 2008

WTF update and blah blah blah.... and kidney stones:

So.. have you ever had kidney stones? Ever pass one? Well.. I did. And.. I was asking the lady in the ED (emergency department) to either kill me, or give me something to put me to sleep cuz I was so embarrassed (not to mention pain)- I know I looked like a fool. Pain is not my friend. I'm a big baby. I knew both the Doctor and the Nurse. I think that made it worse. Anyway, it was a rough weekend, but it's Tuesday and I feel like a new person.

I also lost a few more pounds. The gym is not my friend either. I don't have many friends, huh?

My new job is great... busy but great. My old job was busy. Do you realized I have work since I was 14 years old? I can't think of anytime in my life that I did not have a job for more than a couple of days. The thought of unemployment scares the crap out of me. Maybe that's why I work so hard. Anyway... I have a new project that will keep me busy over the next year. It will probably keep me traveling a lot in PA (Penn State territory).. I guess that's ok.

I'm gonna relax this coming weekend.. going camping with a friend. I'll let you know how that goes. Looking forward to it.

I was thinking a lot about my mom lately. It was a year ago this time that I went to FL with my Aunt Pat and picked her up.. drove her back up here (home to where she grew up). When I got there, I was totally shocked at how weak and fragile she got since I had last saw her. I'll never forget that when she hugged me, it was so light...barely a hug. I think this was the first time I really realized how sick she was. My mom was always a big hugger, - you knew when she hugged you. I did not realize that when she left with us, that was the last time she would see her home. That is very sad for me, because I know my mom loved her home.
I also remember the trip. We drove straight through, my mom was very uncomfortable, but she did not want to stop and sleep in a hotel. I will also never forget when we stopped for dinner on the way up here (I think it was a Denny's) all she wanted was soup and toast. So..we ordered that for her.. and after I think.. maybe four spoonfuls, she vomited all over her food, the table, lost her false teeth in the soup. It was the saddest thing... but kind of funny. I did feel bad for her..but it made me and my Aunt Pat laugh. And still we talk about it, I can cry and laugh about it at the same time. The waitress was the sweetest person. I will never forget her and howkind and helpful she was.
My Aunt Pat is also a Saint. I'm not sure where I would have been without her on that trip.. or even today. My family has always been fun. I think we can laugh more than anyone... in both happy and sad times. I am very lucky to have a great family.

Well.. I think I've Blogged enough for now.

Tuesday, September 2, 2008

Why do I have a blog?

I realize I haven't written in this blog of mine for a while. My main reason I started this was from a suggestion by my friend Grant who thought that it might be easier to figure out why I was having a hard time deciding to move or not to move regarding my new position. I think it helped. I'm glad I no longer have that decision to make and that I'm staying in Jersey. I don't think anyone can deny that writing things down helps to process your thoughts. But.. I'm not sure if this is the place to do it. There are many things I'd like to get off of my chest... but since family and friends read this, I'm not sure this is the "appropriate" place to do that. I was (and still might) write in a different blog anonymously, but... who's going to read that (where's the fun there?). So.. I'm thinking maybe from time to time I might be a little more honest in this page... I may offend people. I usually take extra steps to make everyone happy... we all know that does not work. I usually don't complain or bitch that often, but sometimes... well sometimes that does work. So.... I'm back for now.

I feel like my summer came and went. I have some of my best friends I did not see at all. I miss Bill and Dan.... I think I forgot what they look like. I was hoping to see Jim again after all these years... but I'll see him next month.
I didn't do anything I wanted to. Nothing! I found myself having a hard time committing to trips. I'm not sure why. Ya, I am sure a lot of it was because of my new position. But, just the same, I feel like I missed out on some 'summer fun'.

My brother visited a couple of weeks ago. I enjoyed that so much. I'm going there for xmas. This is a first. I'm excited about that. I had a family reunion. That was awesome. There were years that I didn't have much to do with my family. I'm sure most of it was because I was gay and wasn't sure if family was cool with that or not. I did finally learn that it really didn't matter if they did. It's not about them. So finally, when I am at whole with myself I'm spending as much time with my family as I can.... I wish I had know then what I know now (I think this would be a good self help good.... don't steal this title!).

My friend Ryan... we had a 'little' disagreement this summer. So that bummed me out. But..I hope we are ok now. HUGS

I went camping last weekend... I love to camp. There's something so relaxing about it. Joey is about as sweet and fun as they come.

I'm going to BearBust in Orlando next month. I did commit to that. I'm sure I'll have fun there.

My good friend Rich is in town. He invited me to meet him with his partner and his other friends last night. I didn't. The main reason is his partner Bob doesn't like me. He really has no reason not to. I won't disrespect him, so I'll stop here. It just is too uncomfortable with Bob. What I hate most about this that I don't feel like I can have a 'real' friendship with Rich. That makes me sad.

Hopefully I'll see Joe soon before he transfers to Orlando. Irene is visiting me in two weeks. Yay!

I've been watching the Democratic Nat'l Convention. I wouldn't pull away from it. I'm going to try and watch the Repubs... but.. GO OBAMA.

Anyway... I think I'm done writing for now. Ya.. a little bitching does help.

Thursday, July 24, 2008

WTF update:

Good afternoon! So, I went to the gym this morning.. I hate the gym, but I guess I need to go (I ain't gett'n any younger). I lost 9 pounds.

There are two things in my diet for the last couple of weeks that I can't seem to get enough of. They are: Watermelon and Dunkin Donuts (DD) Iced-Tea!

First of all, who would have ever thought that I would go to DD twice a day and only get ice-tea (with lemon slices in it)? Let me tell you, DD ice-tea is like... I don't know.. MMMMM MMMM Good! I think Rachel Ray had better watch out, because I may be doing the next DD commercial.

OK, lets talk about Watermelon for a moment. I love watermelon, always have. Summertime and watermelon go hand in hand.
What is up with the cost of watermelon? What happened to getting a watermelon for $3.99? I can't find them for under $8.99 and that's on sale. They are like $10.99 each! It's crazy. I just don't get it. I think I'm more upset about this than I am the gas prices. If anyone knows where I can buy watermelon stock, please let me know.

Alright, I'm going to drink my ice-tea and get back to work.

btw- is it ICED-TEA or ICE-TEA?

Wednesday, July 16, 2008

Good News, Bad News...

Good Morning! I'm tired and cranking this morning...and coffee just isn't cutting it. I think I need a Dunkin Donuts Ice-Tea. Have you had one yet? MMMMMMMMMM I'm hooked on 'em! So good! Taste like ice-tea Mom used to make. Actually, just thinking about them makes me smile.
Anyway.. I really wanted to go to Ptown this year for BearWeek. I like to look at the bears and cubs and other creatures. Sometimes even petting the friendly ones. But.. work is killing me this week. They say new business is good business, but this week... new business translates to... "Mike not having any fun". So.. that's the bad new.. I'm not going to Ptown. I will miss all of my friends up there! :o(
The good news, (and I've decided it's good news) I will be staying in Jrz! Yippee....! It would have been nicer to live closer to my brother, I was looking forward to that. He'll be here in a couple of weeks for the good old Barrows family reunion. I do love spending time with my family.
Ok... I gotta get back to work.

Saturday, July 5, 2008

Kicking my feet up on the West Coast

I'm learning how to relax. Something I admit I'm not that good at.... but I do realize relaxing is very nice! If I could only just lay on the beach for more than 4 minutes (this might be stretching it) without looking at my phone, or wondering what else I could be doing.....

I've spent the last couple of days visiting my friends, T&R. You guys have been the best! They took me to this place where you can actually order drinks in coconuts, watermelons or other fruits...just pour some alcohol and put a straw in it and your good to relax! Why can't life be that easy? I do relax better when I drink. Maybe doing more of that is the key?!? Ya, your right, probably not..but it is fun.

Are there more beautiful people on the west coast? Probably not.. but I have seen more than my share and they seem to wear less clothes than in Jersey. My favorite thing to do is people watch. I can sit all day and watch others.... just not on the beach... why not? Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the beach, but I just can't relax on the beach. I even have a hard time reading on the beach.

Yesterday I had two people tell me that I am a very nice person for being from New Jersey. I asked them if they have been to Jersey.. they both said "no"... I said we are all nice... but I'm extra nice. (if you don't already know me.. I'm a great flirt)

I am going home tomorrow and I'm going to try and take more time for the rest of the year to relax. Look for me on the Jersey Shore!

Sunday, June 22, 2008


I'm about to share a very personal part of my life...... my weight and eating habits.

It may not seem like a big deal to many people, but all my life my weight has been a very private and personal thing for me. I am not sure if I was ever honest with anyone when they asked me my weight. I'm about to change that.. I think....

So, the story is: I've gained a lot of weight over the last 10 months or so, maybe longer. About a year ago, I was probably in my best shape ever, at a weight that I was very happy at, and felt good. That was about 235-240 pounds. I had to change my eating habits. Sugar was not my friend. The last thing I really wanted to was to be diabetic. I did really good for year or more. But.. then I don't know what happened... it came slow... but it came and then it came fast.

I noticed that when I brought my mom up here last year and started taking care of her, I was eating everything in sight. My family is all about food. When we were all taking care of my mom, my family, and I... ate and ate and ate. I used the stress as an excuse to eat. I do know that I am an emotional eater. I've known that for a very long time. I eat when I'm stressed, lonely, upset, happy... it was never hard to find a reason to over eat. After my mom passed away, I could not go back to my 'healthier' eating habits. In fact, over the last month or so it just got so out of hand.

Here are some things I need to change:
1. I am a big fan of candy and other sweets. I grew up with candy. I remember I always had candy. I am not sure if I can ever give that up, but I can't eat it like have have been this past month or so.
2. Bread- I love bread as much as I love sweets. To me they are pretty much the same.
3. I can eat and eat and eat.... My stomach stretches like I you have no idea. I have a hard time getting full. So, I gotta cut my portions down
4. Here's a big secret.... I'm a closet eater. All my life I have ate things that people have no idea about. Even when I lived with someone for years... I would eat things without them knowing. At work, I can eat something... and then out to lunch with others... like I never ate.. and at times, basically have had two lunches. Things like that... that's gotta end.

This last month has been crazy. I think when you gain weight, you tell yourself it's alright to eat like a mad man because at this point it's not going to make much difference. You know that's not true... but you do it anyway.

So... I got on the scale today. 278 That's a lot of weight. AKA fat!

When I was growing up, I always thought I was a fat kid.. all through school. This past summer, many relatives told me I was not a big (fat) kid. And when I look at photos, I wasn't.
As an adult, I always felt that I am not as big as scale says I am. I don't feel that heavy. But, I know I am.

I want to be healthier, and want my clothes to fit like they should again. I've tried every diet out there during my adult life. I'm not going to do one of those. I'm a bright guy. I know what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat.. and what I need to do to lose weight.

I'm not unhappy with myself for gaining this weight. But, I do know I'd like my body better if I shed some pounds. So.. I'm back on the wagon!

Sunday, June 15, 2008

Father's Day

I guess my dad has been gone about 15 years now. The picture above is my favorite. An old friend did this drawing of him, probably about a year before he passed way. It's probably my favorite because this is the way he always looked to me. I don't really remember him looking any different than this.

My father's name is George Franklin Sistrunk. We had the closest relationship. But I do know that he loved me. He was not the easiest person to get along with.... ask anyone that knew him. In fact, he was down right mean at times. It's funny, I remember some really awful times, but also remember the nice things he did. I think the most memorable conversation I had with him was when he found out I was gay, which was actually just days before he passed away (I can get into this conversation another time). When he found out I was gay, I remember it was a very short conversation we had, but one I will never forget. He told me that he didn't care if I was gay or not, he just wanted me to be happy and that he will always love me no matter what. I think that's all I needed.

In someways, I see my dad. I don't drink like he did...everyday. I don't get angry like he did. I never hit anyone like he had. I think I have some of his other traits.. the good ones. I have tried very hard all my life to not be like him.

Many people have a bad relationship with their fathers. Sometimes we will never be able to change that.... I think when we are able to accept things the way they are.. thats when we become better people.

Happy Fathers Day!

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

This is what I know..........

...you should go with your gut feeling....

I called my friend Jim Rizzo today. Jim and I were good friends... or something of that sort when I lived in DC. Because of my stubborn, or my lack of life experience... Jim and I did not keep in contact for many years after I left DC. Jim's a great guy, always was, and still is. That's obvious. He got in contact me with a couple of months ago, and we have been talking often, it's like we picked up where we left off. He's one of those people you meet in life and know from the beginning he's a good guy, with a good heart.

In my experience, there are people you meet in life that have a big impact on you. You have a chemistry right from the beginning.. it may an attraction, an affection, a friend, a lover, a colleague.. whatever, but you just know that they mean something special to you from the beginning. It may only last a few hours.... or could end up being a long time relationship.

When I was talking to Jim today on the phone, we were talking about blogs, and started talking about one that he used to read... and he sent it to me to read, explaining that it was a great read, but some involved/intense reading. So, when I got the email, and opened up the link to the blog... my heart dropped. It was a blog of someone I had know that has passed away.......

I had started talking to Steven about 3 years ago, on-line... I actually ran into him my almost by accident about 2 years ago when I was on a business trip. I was surprised of how handsome he was in person, and what a great personality he had. I feel like we became close in that surprised kind of way just as friends. I will not lie when I say I had a crush on Steven. As I'm sure many people did. He did have a boyfriend that he always said sweet things about. We talked several times on the phone, but I have to admit, I am not one to talk on the phone like I used to be. I think he kind of gave up on me not calling him back. We talked about that, I apologized.... but... We did still talk on-line often. One day, while on line, he said he probably would not be on-line again for a while, because he had just found out that day that his cancer had come back and he would be getting treatment for that.

I tried contacting him in the past by on-line, I remember I had just dropped my phone in the lake, and did not have his number any longer. I went for a long time wondering if he was OK. In fact, just a couple of months ago, I sent him an email. I did not think for one minute that he was that sick. I knew no one that knew him, not even his boyfriend.

When Jim sent me his blog today, I had read that he had passed away about a 1.5 years ago. His family- sisters kept his blog, and wrote his last couple of entries. I also read what he had wrote since the time he was diagnosed again...the last time I had talked to him. ...he did not live very long. Honestly, probably just weeks after I had last contact with him. I can not tell you how sad I have been today. And maybe even more angry at myself for not cherishing a friendship like I should have. I have some awful guilt feelings... I wish I could have said good-bye. I never even really thought that he could have been that sick.

I am not a very religious person, but I do believe in something enough that makes me pray often. I hate cancer so bad. It's such an awful illness that brings so much sadness to so many sweet people. I saw what it had done to my niece, my mother and so many other people.

Again, this is what I know......
-cherish your family
-cherish your friends
-d0 not take anything for granted....
-do everything you can to do the right thing

And go with your gut feeling.... people come into your life for a reason. I wonder if Jim had not come back into my life, I may have never known about Steven. I'm glad he's back into my life.

I am so grateful for the people in my life.

Was I working..or on Vacation?

I just got back from a long trip down in Fort Lauderdale. I was there for work.... but again, I think I need to stress how much I love my job and how lucky I am. But, as hard as I worked down there (and trust me, I did work hard) I forgot all about the work part my trip and only remember the fun times I had there.

When I first got there, it started out with a quick trip to the pool, had a couple of drinks with some colleagues (I think that's the first time I ever spelled that word right the first time), then down to the beach for a little bit... I have the whitest legs and I am embarrassed to wear shorts. They needed some sun. Above is the view from my hotel room.

Later that afternoon, I had an opening dinner to attend with work people. That was relaxing and very casual. We all had a great time, again, it didn't feel like work. We ended up going to the Elbow Room (oldest bar in Ft. Lauderdale-1874). I probably had too many drinks, as everyone else did. We walked back to our hotel room... why we didn't get a cab I'll never know, so we treked the 6 blocks. Anyway, some car came up on the curb, bumped into me.... pushed me up against a light pole where I bumped my head and passed out for like 2 seconds. I woke up and had all these drunk people looking over me. I was fine, just a big bump on my head. .. which is kind of still there. I did take a cab the rest of the 5 blocks. Woke up at 7am and went to my meetings like nothing happened... except for my bump and black and blue marks.
So... I really like south Florida. Again... why aren't I living there? I feel that question will be answered in a couple of years. Every time I go there, I have more and more friends. So, for over a week I worked hard, played a bit when I could, and at the end.. relaxed for a few free days.

I got to meet a buddy I have been talking on line for over 4 years. Andy- he's an awesome guy. Met some other great people as well.. Stephen-what can I say about Stephen.....then met the manager of Kool and the Gang, Cleve- he's an awesome guy....

My friend Ryan N.. moved down there about a year or so again. At first we had a hard time seeing getting together to see each other... then I got to see him. Great guy. Why didn't I get pics of him?.... I have no idea. So, we spent very little time together but it was great. He's a terrific little southern guy. Met his bf, too.

So.. I'll be back to FL..both for work and play. I love the beach!

Monday, May 26, 2008

42 and stronger........

On Saturday it was my birthday. I turned 42 years old. I realize, the older I get, the more independent and verbal my thoughts become. I think I like this about myself. For most people that know me, I've always had more of a quite and reserved personality. I believe the more one likes himself, the more he becomes comfortable with himself and really doesn't care to much what others think. Therefore, I become more Intolerance of Intolerance.

My plans started out big for this weekend, and ended up not so big. Just staying local and doing more smaller things... I'm actually happy it turned out that way. After a busy last couple of weeks and more traveling coming up, it was nice just to stay local. My friend Jimmy and his partner Ben wanted to take me out for dinner. They decided to take me to The Melting Pot, which by the way is my favorite restaurant. Our reservation was at 8:30, and we got there a little early and decided to have some drinks. We were in the little bar/waiting area, and this was kind of full. The three of us were next to this group of 5 waiting on their table. This one lady in particular was getting on my nerves.....she was complaining about everything, her drink was too big to hold, her daughter should have been there by now, the place was too crowded.... I think it was more her voice, she was just loud. Anyway, while I was returning from the bathroom, my friends where getting another round of drinks (I was drinking a coconut mojito which are sooo tasty), anyway, I stood next to this annoying women while I waited for my friends to come back with the drinks. I was watching them at the bar, and it was obvious that they were more than friends as Jimmy had his arm around Ben. The annoying lady obviously saw this and must have not noticed me with them earlier, as she turns around and says to me "don't you just hate when 'they' do that in public", it took me a second to realize what she was talking about, her friends were focused on her at the moment... as I think that is her goal.... and I said, "No, but what I do hate is when loud grouchy bigots such as yourself say things that makes absolutely no sense to me" and just stared at her while I finished my drink. At that exact moment, they called our name for our table, so I as I walked past her, she gave me a nasty look and I just winked at her. I did feel good for what I said to her. If you ask me... it's 2008, I don't see much reason for ignorance these days.

OK.. I'm off to fish!

Monday, May 19, 2008

5 days in DC

I went to DC this past week for work(Wed-Sunday): a conference that I have attended about 8 times in the last 10 years. It started out the norm.... getting to my place of my first destination to begin with... the trade show floor... I was kind of dreading it like I always do, but as soon as I got there, three others from my company were there that I have worked with many times throughout those 10 years......It was nice to see them.
The first day was busy. That night I went to a reception in the Ronald Reagan Building- it's a beautiful building and place. The reception that night was held in the building by ACP (American College of Physicians), and they are a bunch of fun people. Margaret, one of the leaders, actually lives just miles from me in NJ, and I love her. She's so sweet and fun, and knows how to throw a party. The theme of this was Gaming/Casino. First of all.. the food was awesome. It was a buffet style which I'm sure everyone knows I love. And, I love tuna, they had tuna steaks and the lady there encouraged me to eat this apple butter sauce on it. Now I love Apple Butter- it is so good! If you the chance to ever have this, I highly recommend. Anyway, I invited my friend Irene to come and join me at this function. I got her on the list- as I said, Margaret is awesome! I haven't seen Irene in a while- I met her about 13 years ago, we worked together at this mental health thing and just became great friends. She's the kind of friend you can tell anything to and know she's love you anyway. We always have so much fun and laugh constantly. Well, we gambled with fake money- I love to play craps, even with lots of drinks in you playing craps with fake money can be fun. We all had an awesome time. My co-workers loved her, too.
I realized that these things I go to are like reunions, I have known many of these people for 10 years. I also realized I can do my job anywhere, and I'll be alright.... so... I'm gonna move and it'll be ok. I really do have an awesome job.
Anyway, the next day was fun, too. I had a great dinner with my old friend Rob, he's a good guy with a big heart. His partner was not feeling so well, so Rob and I did dinner alone and then went to the Cobalt for a bit and had a drink or two... Ok.. so, here's another story. I have been talking to this guy on line for 5 years now. His name is Freddie... and, yes, he's married. To a girl... I actually met her first.. it's a long story, but it is a work related so I won't get into the details since it's not that exciting, anyway, I ended up going to dinner with this girl once about 5 years ago, with a bunch of others, and she ended up bringing Freddie, her husband. They were high school sweethearts... .. you know the story. Anyhow... Freddie and I bonded that night, we all went out, had a ball with too much to drink... somewhere/somehow.... Freddie ended up kissing me that night. It was the craziest thing... to make a long story short, we kept in touch, talk all the time via email and IM'ing, but never met again. I wanted to many times, but I know better than dragging myself into that.. cuz he's so 'dreamy'- did I just use that word? There were many times I have been in DC since then, but promised myself b/c he is married that I wouldn't call him when I'm there. Why punish myself. He is so handsome/sweet/funny...if things were only different.. how many times have I said that? But, he does have the best smile and eyes I have ever seen in my life..here's his smile.

So..anyway, he would always get mad at me when I was in DC and never call him and let him know... but...I'm no fool. He's got a wife, right? Right!
So... Rob and I leave the bar... and walk around... next think I hear is 'Mike?' 'Mike, Mike??' and as soon as I turn around..who is there.... YES Mr Beautiful Smile. I was in shock(with a huge smile on my face) He looked incredible. The most beautiful blue eyes and that smile that will make anyone melt. Anyway, it was a nice to see him. Rob had to get back home for a 5 am flight, Freddie and I went for a beer, a long walk... he really is a sweet guy. Much better looking then I remember..... Yep.
Next day was work for a few hours, then Irene picked me up. She had a full day planned. We went to this Amazon thing... I don't recommend Cuma water, if anyone tries to sell it to you, say no thanks! well, we only lasted about 5 minutes there...but we had a good time.. NOT. Then we went to a Greek Fest thing in DC up by American Univ. Beautiful area. That was fun, and so much great food. Irene is Greek and I think most of her family was there. It was a blast.
Somewhere in there I got to see Brett...handsome guy. I meet him only one other time.... it was nice to see him. We just both happen to be in the same city at the same time.

I do love DC. I miss it sometimes. It was probably my favorite place to live.
It was a long trip though and so nice to come home to my own bed, but.. I can't wait to go back again!
I realized that I can do my job anywhere and still be happy. I guess I should start packing, huh?

It is rare to find friends that you can feel so comfortable with and have so much fun with. I do appreciate my friends. Irene- your the best and I love you!

Monday, May 12, 2008

Rainy Monday

Well.... it's Monday and it's raining. I love rain in the spring and summer. It's fun...and romantic.
I think it also puts me in a good mood. I was on the hyper side today, which is a little unusual for me. Work was good. I put an offer on a home, they turned me down.. I offered higher. This is a stupid game. Why can't they just tell you the min. they will accept for a sale? It's a waste of time and energy for everyone. I'm moving to a place I know nothing about.. except country music and cowboys. That ain't so bad, right? Right!

Yesterday was mothers day. It was a sad day for me. I the first mothers day with my mom. I don't think I realized how much of a mommas boy I was.... I'm sure my siblings could... but... I was. I had breakfast with a friend of mine yesterday, he was talking about his mom/parents a lot and what they are going through. Afterwards he apologized for that being the center of attention. I actually think I enjoyed it. I came home, took a shower (I know..no shower before going to breakfast) and while I was in the shower, I was thinking about how just before she passed away, I was washing her in the shower because she was too weak to do it herself. It was a very humbling experience. Needless to say..... It was a very emotional moment for me. I often wonder if I did enough for her while she was sick. I was so sad to see how weak and helpless she was. I think that was the most painful thing for me because I think I knew her so well. My mother was also so strong, independent and didn't really like people doing stuff for her. And I didn't know what was going through her head. My mom was always so funny, always joking and affectionate. She was fun. But when I picked her up in FL to bring her up here to stay with me....she was a totally different person. I knew at that point it wouldn't be long. She hardly talked, no smiles, not laughter... just stood into space. There were a few times she would joke or be sarcastic and those moments made my day. And when she come home from the hospital, and all my family were around her, there were times when you could see that old Dodi (that's my mom's name) and that was so precious to us all. I am so glad that I got to spend every minute I could with her in the end. I think made me appreciate EVERYTHING so much more.
Above are pictures of me and my mom, the first one was taken about 1.5 years before she passed away. The second one was about 4 weeks before she passed away.

Happy Mothers Day Mom!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

I'm no longer a virgin

Here's what has started all this:
My friend Brent has been telling me that I need to 'blog' to get rid of some stress and to talk things out amongst myself. Until recently I have been against blogs, well, not against them, but maybe just figured they weren't for me, probably because I'm a very private person. Brent's a blogger and I read his everyday. I have a good friend Joey, I read his every day too. I have a feeling my postings won't be nearly as fun as Joey's.
I could start by writing about my life... but I'm doing that in another way. Maybe someday you'll read my book.
So, I was talking with Brent last night, over a burger and beer, about all this stress I seem to be creating for myself. I'm a true believer that we can have some control over our stress, we may have no control of things, but I think we have control over how we deal with them. Anyway (I'm gonna type how I talk so just get use to it) I have an offer to my job to Nashville. Actually, I've gonna do it. Can't pass it up. It's an exciting opportunity. But... why am I so upset about it? I think I figured it out this morning while making eggs and watching the cooking channel (this is what I do best). It's raining outside so I have no need to leave the house for a while. Anyway, while looking out my deck door and all the different colors on the trees and new flowers and crap I realized!! I LOVE NEW JERSEY!!
For the first time anywhere, I am totally happy with myself, I love my job here, I love my friends here, I love the state, I love how close the state is to everything, I love my home, I love my neighbors, I love myself. I've been here 10 years. Had some sad times while in JRZ but was able to grow from them. I am settled! And I like it.
Ya.. I feel better about things already. Damn! I might like this, too.
I'm going south... maybe I'll just try and rent my place in case I want to come back. I love the NorthEast!
Thanks Brent! Thanks Joey! See..how helpful you have been.

So, the change had me stressed out. I'm not going to let it do that anymore. I feel positive already. I'm going to DC this week for work, I used to live there before JRZ. I am meeting a couple of old friends, and really am looking forward to that. Especially my friend Irene. I love her.

This may not be such a bad place after all. So, until my next post... bye!