WTF!!!!!

I'm about to share a very personal part of my life...... my weight and eating habits.

It may not seem like a big deal to many people, but all my life my weight has been a very private and personal thing for me. I am not sure if I was ever honest with anyone when they asked me my weight. I'm about to change that.. I think....

So, the story is: I've gained a lot of weight over the last 10 months or so, maybe longer. About a year ago, I was probably in my best shape ever, at a weight that I was very happy at, and felt good. That was about 235-240 pounds. I had to change my eating habits. Sugar was not my friend. The last thing I really wanted to was to be diabetic. I did really good for year or more. But.. then I don't know what happened... it came slow... but it came and then it came fast.

I noticed that when I brought my mom up here last year and started taking care of her, I was eating everything in sight. My family is all about food. When we were all taking care of my mom, my family, and I... ate and ate and ate. I used the stress as an excuse to eat. I do know that I am an emotional eater. I've known that for a very long time. I eat when I'm stressed, lonely, upset, happy... it was never hard to find a reason to over eat. After my mom passed away, I could not go back to my 'healthier' eating habits. In fact, over the last month or so it just got so out of hand.

Here are some things I need to change:
1. I am a big fan of candy and other sweets. I grew up with candy. I remember I always had candy. I am not sure if I can ever give that up, but I can't eat it like have have been this past month or so.
2. Bread- I love bread as much as I love sweets. To me they are pretty much the same.
3. I can eat and eat and eat.... My stomach stretches like I you have no idea. I have a hard time getting full. So, I gotta cut my portions down
4. Here's a big secret.... I'm a closet eater. All my life I have ate things that people have no idea about. Even when I lived with someone for years... I would eat things without them knowing. At work, I can eat something... and then out to lunch with others... like I never ate.. and at times, basically have had two lunches. Things like that... that's gotta end.

This last month has been crazy. I think when you gain weight, you tell yourself it's alright to eat like a mad man because at this point it's not going to make much difference. You know that's not true... but you do it anyway.

So... I got on the scale today. 278 That's a lot of weight. AKA fat!

When I was growing up, I always thought I was a fat kid.. all through school. This past summer, many relatives told me I was not a big (fat) kid. And when I look at photos, I wasn't.
As an adult, I always felt that I am not as big as scale says I am. I don't feel that heavy. But, I know I am.

I want to be healthier, and want my clothes to fit like they should again. I've tried every diet out there during my adult life. I'm not going to do one of those. I'm a bright guy. I know what I should eat, what I shouldn't eat.. and what I need to do to lose weight.

I'm not unhappy with myself for gaining this weight. But, I do know I'd like my body better if I shed some pounds. So.. I'm back on the wagon!